Woman – (n) – mature female who is employed, self-sufficient, a contributing member of society, and is unapologetic in her love of 80s movies (The Dictionary of Me, 2012).
The transition may have snuck up on you, but there are some tell-tale signs that you have grown out of the awkward self-discovery phase that Britney Spears lip-synced about:
1. You renew a lease: I lived in four apartments during my college years and every April began the search for a new place. We were always searching for something nicer, cheaper (apparently we thought $200 wasn’t enough of a steal), and in closer proximity to Main St. watering holes. I just received the lease renewal for my very 1st NYC apartment and now my only decision is 1-year or 2?
2. You refuse to accept money from your parents…but do anyway: “I can do it on my own!” is something women constantly say. As a young one, you constantly mooch off of the old folks and don’t think twice about it. At some point though, you exercise your independence, pay for all bills on your own, and want them to believe your slightly above the lifetime income of a fruit fly fluffer salary is enough for anything besides Easy Mac. Let me tell you a little secret, they love doing it! They love knowing that they can give you a $20 to buy a round at the bar or a little more for a pair of shoes because you work so hard. It’s the one thing that makes them think their little girl may still need them. Hey Dad, the Jameson bottle is done!
3. Your bra and panties are actually a set: Hey, you can even call it lingerie! I have notoriously been known to wreak havoc on a Victoria’s Secret 5 for $25 table because not only was I not doing laundry but who cares if they matched my upper body? They’re two different entities if you ask me! Look ladies, having a matching set is glorious! Why didn’t anyone ever tell me? When you wear a 32 GG bra Vickie’s isn’t helping you out with anything besides nipple covers. Take the time, get fitted, and pick up a matching set of frilly but comfortable panties/undies/knickers while you’re at it. Then take a picture and ogle yourself whenever the mood strikes.
4. You stop feeling obligated to do everything your friends are: I know peer pressure was supposed to end around 5th grade but sometimes you feel you may miss out on the shopping trip of the century or the world’s greatest game of beer pong because you want to sit on your ass, pantsless, watching a Chopped marathon. Having a day completely to yourself, doing absolutely nothing productive as you mix the contents of your fridge in your large intestine, is sometimes the greatest decision. Never feel bad about this.
5. You can take a compliment: Ladies, LMFAO is right; you’re sexy and you know it. Own it and say thank you with a knowing smile when someone says that dress looks amazing on you. It does.
If you’ve found yourself trying to stick to the monthly budgeting tips you read about in Redbook, acting like a fool without repercussions is unfortunately something of the past… However, you now have a 401k you can use for bail money.