Recently, a woman named Samantha Brick made international news for writing an article in which she suggested that women hated her because she was beautiful. The piece strangely wasn’t a work of satire.
The disturbing thing about Brick’s article wasn’t just that she was suggesting that women hated her because of her appearance, but that it was clear that she was so obsessed with her physical appearance, she couldn’t rate herself or others on any alternate scale.
Brick’s also written pieces for The Daily Mail about her struggle with obesity, letting her husband dress her, allowing her husband to bully her into changing her entire life and accepting that it’s okay for her husband to leave her if she gains weight. So, clearly she’s a confident person who understands herself and others.
Now, it’s very easy for me to stand on a metaphoric soap box and say that, unlike Samantha Brick, I believe my value comes from my intelligence, kindness, wit and moral courage.
In real life, however, I don’t start my day by reading Erasmus and doing charity work. I start my day by curling my hair and putting make-up on my face so that I look pretty. Those are just normal things that I do now to look more physically appealing to other members of the human race.
Here’s a list of more insane things I have done to be more attractive:
- I woke up an extra fifteen minutes early in high school to put Ponds’s fake cucumber slices on my eyes to reduce the look of under eye puffiness caused by getting up too early.
- I ate only fruit and vegetables for an entire week when I was 15 to lose weight I immediately gained back.
- I regularly dye my brown hair red.
- I wear contact lenses, meaning I touch my eyes every day just so I don’t have to be seen in public with glasses.
- I wear high waisted cotton briefs because I have been under the psychological delusion since I was a child that they work not only as underwear, but as control top support. (Also, I like to feel 75 years old below the waist.)
- I’ve bought a pair of Spanx (that I only wore once because the weird glory hole for “easy bathroom access” did not make me feel 75 below the waist).
- I’ve never exposed my midriff in public.
I’ve done all of these things because I was insecure about my appearance.
Why? Because somewhere in my mind I’m convinced that people like to be around me more when I look more attractive.
That said, I’m smart enough to know the real reason I have spent almost all of my life obsessing over the tiniest of fat rolls and the smallest of blemishes isn’t that people actually base their opinions of me upon my appearance; it’s because I base my opinion of myself upon my appearance. The more attractive I believe myself to be, the more confidence I exude, and the more confidence I exude, the more people want to be around me.
Please, ladies, just learn to skip the cosmetic middle man and love yourselves! Don’t be like me!
I don’t slather burgundy tinted plumping lipstick on my mouth before I leave the house to look better. Clown lips don’t make people love you!
Unless, they do. In which case, I have to go to Sephora now to buy all of the garish lipstick shades. I’ve been feeling lonely lately.
Meghan is boss.